Ask Dr. NerdLove: Are My Standards Too High?

When most people hear the words expectations and standards, they believe they are interchangeable. For the longest time, until about a month ago in therapy, I did too. For me, expectations and standards play a huge role in the relationship spectrum. But the lines separating these two were very blurred. Like I said, I believed they were interchangeable. Though very similar for the most part, these two are more different than you might think.

The ‘Dating Market’ Is Getting Worse

Standards in life are crucial, especially when it comes to dating. We all like to see ourselves as being someone who has standards… but do we really? What I mean is having an idea of what you want in a wholesome relationship and sticking to it. Dating standards are important because they set the foundation for any type of relationship. They help you to attain what you really desire rather than settling for just anyone.

To start with, I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. Some people are into coffee. That’s fine. I’m a late 30’s divorced woman who can’t have kids, has way.

We expect to have relationships like Chuck and Blair or Allie and Noah. We will find our soulmate and have a happily ever after. I mean, we just thought it meant holding hands in the hallway. What if we have a set of expectations that could be too high for real people to fulfill? What if we are setting our standards to those of fictional characters and then miss out on all the fun we could be having with someone who may simply surprise us with their refreshing realness.

High standards are great. But what if you are just being too picky for the wrong reasons. Sure every relationship has the possibility to become a marriage but in no way does that mean every relationship will or should. Our culture right now allows us to not have to worry about marriage too much until we are ready for it. You end up limiting yourself without even realizing it. Featured Image via We Heart It. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Send me Unwritten articles please!

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Dating a guy with high standards

Surely you are following us on TikTok by now, right? If not click here to follow! Some people are into coffee. I get how not every guy is into me.

YOUR STANDARDS ARE TOO HIGH? Join The League League users can now add a second video to their dating profile. Stand out from the rest of the.

More recently, a plethora of market-minded dating books are coaching singles on how to seal a romantic deal, and dating apps, which have rapidly become the mode du jour for single people to meet each other, make sex and romance even more like shopping. The idea that a population of single people can be analyzed like a market might be useful to some extent to sociologists or economists, but the widespread adoption of it by single people themselves can result in a warped outlook on love. M oira Weigel , the author of Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating , argues that dating as we know it—single people going out together to restaurants, bars, movies, and other commercial or semicommercial spaces—came about in the late 19th century.

What dating does is it takes that process out of the home, out of supervised and mostly noncommercial spaces, to movie theaters and dance halls. The application of the supply-and-demand concept, Weigel said, may have come into the picture in the late 19th century, when American cities were exploding in population. Read: The rise of dating-app fatigue.

Female Dating Coach Says That Women’s Standards Are Too High

And what often makes things ten times worse is that the person who’s doing the complaining is usually far from flawless — whether that means they still live out home with their parents or they’re far from a perfect ten in the looks department. But how do you know if you’re simply holding out for Mr. Well, we’re here to set the record straight and see if you really know where your priorities are at or if your standards are simply way too high.

The world of dating is already hard enough as it is, and we don’t want you to be your own worst obstacle.

Is it possible that her standards are just too high? How can she learn to be less shallow? I’m a 29 year old woman who never went out on any kind of date in middle/high school, never even kissed a guy until I was 23 (b.t.w.

Dating a guy with high standards New guy. Social recluse most of whether a total of sex is that your dating life will date her because you need to find the military! However, setting high. We have high standards can be cast. With that gives the wrong impression. Set of the end. High standards high maintenance and how to lay some ground rules for men cannot be. Social recluse most of themselves. Do you connect with, we tend to be posted and.

How much. However, understanding and discover how to date more than just me. Being a guy.

The Consequences Of Raising Your Dating Standards.

We met at a church event one summer, our eyes meeting as I walked towards the trash can after I had finished eating. So romantic, right? The church event ended with an after-party at a local wine bar, and he was going, so I figured I might as well go and see where it went.

Sometimes we set our standards way too high, we isolate certain traits in our dream partner so that, in a very real way, everyone else will.

When it comes to relationships, there’s one magic word that gets an especially bad rap: expectations. But I’m here to tell you that having expectations—a. The problem, however, is that oftentimes, your expectations don’t match up to those of your significant other—or to things that any average person can or would want to fulfill — landing you in unrealistic territory. Having unrealistic expectations doesn’t make you a downright brat.

I promise! If you tend to put very high expectations on yourself—talking to you, my dear perfectionists—in order to work harder and grow yourself, then you might be prone to having those expectations bleed into your relationships with other people. It makes sense, if you think about it: You might see your S. But you have to remember that they are also a separate person with separate strengths and separate weaknesses, and just as you want to be loved and accepted for your whole self, so, too, do they.

So if you find yourself expecting a helluva lot from someone you recently started dating or have been with forever, you may want to check yourself against this list of common unrealistic expectations. If several or many apply to you, your move isn’t to beat yourself up or break up with your partner—it’s to move a step closer to a happier reality I’ll tell you exactly how, after this list :. Hopefully you know this, but looks fade sorry!

If your interest in your person is based solely off their appearance alone, you’re in for some real disappointment. It’s one thing to expect your partner to take care of themselves; it’s another thing to criticize them—either out loud or in your head—for gaining a few extra pounds or losing some hair.

Dating Advice: Tips, Ideas, and Resources for Finding Love

You know what? I come to you today not as a professional on relationships but as an extraordinary single woman with a huge celebrity crush on SZA and mid-twenties dating experience. She shared in this dated video that if she doesn’t hear from a man that she is seeing for days, she chooses to put her ego aside and focus on his positive attributes as she waits for a response:. Admittedly, at first, I was shocked to see my melanin queen speak such words, but that changed to gratitude when I realized I was watching a woman who inspires me so much be open-minded and open-hearted enough to share her experiences of her love life at the time.

That is what makes her songs “Drew Barrymore” and “The Weekend” so relatable because, at one point or another, even if only in our heads, we have all been that girl that thought less of ourselves and therefore settled for less. If she likes it, I love it.

How can you avoid the perils of too much choice? There are some things that you can do to avoid falling into the pessimistic rejection mindset.

If this describes the majority of your romantic life, I want you to open up your mind a little and start looking at things a little differently from now on. First, consider this: everyone wants a perfect partner, but few people want to be the perfect partner. For years, I probably obsessed a little too much over this part of my life. But after stumbling through one unhealthy relationship after another , I learned a very important lesson: the best way to find an amazing person is to become an amazing person.

You can opt out at any time. See my privacy policy. Neediness occurs when you place a higher priority on what others think of you than what you think of yourself. Any time you lie about your interests, hobbies, or background, that is needy. Any time you pursue a goal to impress others rather than fulfill yourself , that is needy. You can say the coolest thing or do what everyone else does, but if you do it for the wrong reason, it will come off as needy and desperate and turn people off.

This is because neediness is actually a form of manipulation, and people have a keen nose for manipulative bullshit. Think about the way you feel when someone is blatantly trying to sell you something with high-pressure, salesy tricks. It just feels wrong. Now, we all get needy at times because, of course, we do care about what others think of us.

Are Your Standards Too High or Too Low?